…and being the superfan that I am, I of course have some issues with it. I love Cracked. I love it love it love it love ittt. It’s my fave site. But whenever they post Harry Potter points, they sorta miss the mark.
Harry Potter movies are not canon. If Dumbledore shouting at Harry is canon, then fuck me sideways. Each movie is an amalgamation of plot points, the director’s own view, the art director’s inspiration and an actor’s interpretation of a character. You can’t use movie things to make your point about the “HARRY POTTER UNIVERSE.” No. You can’t. No. You might say, the author of the cracked article was just using them to further a point that was already brought up in the canon, to which I say NO.
I’m now going to respond to each point they present with my own opinions.
6) I like the idea of the paintings being “alive” but I don’t think it’s accurate. The paintings of actual people are more like the “echoes” (as Dumbles calls them) of Harry’s parents that he sees when he and Voldy lock wands in GoF. Pictures and paintings are capturing a moment in time, they’re capturing the LIKENESS of a person or entity, not the actual person themselves. In CoS, when Harry and Lockhart are forced into a photo-op (gee, thanks Colin), Harry likes how his picture persona is actively trying to escape the photo. I think that shows it is an entity foreign from himself, a representation of himself.
Even pictures or paintings flitting between frames doesn’t strike me as sentience. If a person is a public figure like…say…Kim Kardasian, then her photo isn’t going to do much more than smile, endorse anything, and hawk her merch. Just like every picture of Marilyn Monroe, if she could move and speak she would most likely just warble “Happy Birthday Mr. President.” Dumbles is a public figure, he is probably not going to do more than look all wisdomy and sagey and “oh properties of dragon’s blood? yeah that was me.” He flits between photos, being all “SUP BITCHES, I”M DUMBLES.”
It must also depend on the spell, because it seems like there are different kinds of enchantments for photos and paintings.
Where this point DOES get interesting is when you consider artists who painted from their imagination. Did someone CREATE the fat lady?
God forbid there’s a wizard Salvador Dali out there.
Lol, what about still life?
5) Yeah, J.K. has already said that technology sortof froze when the wizards and witches went into hiding int he seventeenth century. Some things are able to cross into the wizarding world (like glasses and Sirius’ motorbike), but I think that’s just the result of Muggle-friendly wizards or Muggleborns. My God, could you see Walpurga Black wearing glasses? She frakin’ hates muggles. She would never embrace their influence.
Yet, there is cross over in between the worlds. When Grindelwald was doing his thang, Hitler was doing his. As for nuclear war…um…I think wizards have that under control. Who cares if they can’t figure out a missal? They’ll just banish it or something. And who is to say that Muggles actually came up with the bomb? What if wizard’s just memory wiped them and let them think they had? Eh? Ehhhhh?
I think the point JK istrying to make is that just as Muggles have learned to live without magic, wizards have learned to live without technology. In the Golden Bough, Frazier describes magic as a ritual based system. ”If I hop on one foot and rub my stomach clockwise…” Magic is a based on rules. Magic is based on ritual. You want rain? Go swing a cat around by its tail. What? That didn’t work? Well, trying saying something in latin. See, JK’s rules for magic are spoken word (and later nonverbal spells). In her universe, if you want to do magic, you must do x. X can be using your wand, mixing potions, etc. To Muggles, the rules are different. ”If I turn the key in the ignition…” Muggles have their own magic and boy does it suck.
Also, wizards don’t need phones or the intartubes. They have the Floo Network. And also the Order of the Phoenix communicates via Patronus, soo…yah.
4) I don’t have problems with this point. They don’t get elementary school education. I don’t know how any of them can write! How do they write their O.W.L.’s and N.E.W.T.’s?
EDIT: my friend made the point that you can’t do astronomy or arithmancy without learning some sort of higher math, so the students MUST learn it at some point…
ALSO there aren’t any wizarding colleges! WTF? How do they get a higher education!?
Which leads to point 3…
3) There aren’t any jobs! Agreed. There are practically no job options. No one goes into any sort of higher learning…so…are there like apprenticeships?
I always wondered if they had Muggle jobs doing simple shit with ease and magic and then just transferred their money. The exchange rate must be shit.
One problem with this point. There is a career in banking. Bill was a curse-breaker for Gringotts. So. CANON’D.
2) AHAHAHHAHAAAAAA. This was the best point. Ron and Peter Pettigrew sitting in a tree…
I think that can easily be explained by the fact that the Weasely twins barely thought of their younger brother. And they hated Percy. They’re sorta too cool to care about their brothers like that. It would be like obsessively checking your sibling’s Facebook page. Weird.
1) The trace comes off when the wizard or witch is of age so that point is dumb. Still, I don’t like how the ministry has a record of underage witches and wizards.
Also, the writer didn’t mention the most important infraction of privacy! Prior Incantato! By using this spell, people can look through your previous spells! Amos Diggory does this to Harry WITHOUT ANY KIND OF WARRANT. Any member of the Ministry (mind you Diggory DOES NOT work in the Magical Law Enforcement Squad—he works for the department for the regulation and control of magical creatures, so why the fuck is he the one doing this??) can grab your wand and see all of those penis enlarging spells you tested out.
Kindof like your Google history…